Monday, November 9, 2009

Why Should I?

Right now you should be reading this. What do you mean, “‘I should be reading this?’ Why?” because it’s important, and eliminating the word “should” may save your relationships. But what does that really mean and what is it that you should be doing or have done? Which brings me to telling you how much I really dislike the word “Should.”

Why do I dislike the word should and want to strike it from our vocabulary, our minds and the dictionary? Because it literally means something, “you have to do,” when something you had done, or something you are about to do, would have turned out, or will turn out, better. Do you want to live your life as a “Monday morning quarterback” or coach after a game on Sunday? It’s easy isn’t it to point to the things you “could” have done. As they say, “Hindsight is always twenty, twenty.”

So, first things first and in this case let’s try and eliminate the word should from our vocabulary. And if you’re still asking, “why?” then I’ll say it this way. Should is usually stated after the fact of doing and after an experience gone bad, where it is now easy to say, “I should have.” It’s akin to what I often heard my dad say, “If I only…” something or other.

The fact is you can only take one path at a time and you can only use your own experiences or get council from someone who has the knowledge and experience to make a decision to do whatever it is you are about to do. And when you’ve done what you set out to do you either had a pleasant, happy, successful outcome or you didn’t. As I was reminded, many years ago from a very nice young lady when I said to her, “You should have…” and she said to me, “Don’t should on me.” There was my first and most memorable experience of using the word “should.”

While pondering or debating something you are about to embark upon or something you have done the proper or correct thought is, “you could have done…” which is just saying there were other choices. Then try and understand how the choice you made could have had a different outcome and learn from it.

We will never, always have the correct thought, action or response. Not ever. That is what trial and error is all about. You did not fail; you just experienced something that told you what not to do next time. Anything that does not go well is not a failure; it is only a lesson in how not to do such and such. That is why we make certain choices and take certain paths. It’s based on our knowledge and experience however errant or faulty our logic is at that time. You only know what you know and no more than that.

Stop saying “should” or “if only” to yourself or anyone else. It only serves to cause pain, angst and depression. There are only things we could have done. There are only other paths we could have taken. And until someone can take divergent paths at the same time and then look at each experience simultaneously, then and only then, will you have the ability to make the correct, proper or most competent decision every time.

Right now, this minute, I want you to stop second-guessing everything you do or anyone else has done. It is over, it is in the past and nothing you do now will change that outcome. So now, right now, learn from that experience. There is a lesson in, there is knowledge in, and there is something positive to be taken from, every thing you do and every encounter you have.

I will add this one other bit of information, which will alleviate many of the “I could haves’,” and that is this; most everything you do, if it is done with love and for a higher good will usually have a positive outcome.

1 comment:

  1. Wow it's interesting that you write about this subject on the day I write about a similar topic on my Movie quote Monday post. Is there something in the air?

    I'm glad you're writing again.

    ReplyDelete